


Baz Makes A Frienemy

by orphan_account



Series: Harry Potter meeting Simon Snow [1]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crossover, Jeans, Penelope 'Baz why can't you make friends like a regular person' Bunce, Simon and Baz bake scones, also Baz needs to chill sometimes, crack!fic (kind of), draco hates muggle clothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6183376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baz meets Draco Malfoy in a clothing store. Baz and Draco try really hard to be mean girls. Baz invites Draco over for lunch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baz Makes A Frienemy

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic published on here! I'm so excited!! It should be noted that this is crack!fic, sort of. I made a tumblr post similar to this that people seemed to get a few laughs out of, so...yeah. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and please review! Constructive critism is welcome :)

Baz walked into The Store itching to pick a fight. There was always Simon, of course, but Baz hadn't seen his boyfriend for a week and didn't really want to do anything with him except cuddle and listen to Simon talk. Besides, Baz didn't really feel like eating at his own flat after the week-long visit to his father's house. And Penny was in America visiting Micah (and Agatha, probably, though she hadn't mentioned it), so that left one option. The Store. The Store was a Normal clothing store a couple blocks from Baz's house. An expensive, designer men's wear store to be more specific. It had a posh kind of name that he was always forgetting, so he just called it The Store. He looked through the display window and saw a thin blond man with expensive shoes arguing with a shorter, wild-haired man who looked to be at his wit's end. Baz watched as the short man left The Store in exasperation, and the other man started talking to a shop assistant, probably to berate her for the 'last season fashions'. Today was Baz's lucky day. He straightened his scarf and walked in, giving everyone in the store his best casual 'I'm-better-then-everyone-here-and-we-all-know-it' look. The blond man was glancing at silk scarves, looking confused.

Baz walked up to him. "Hm."

The blond man turned around "Sorry?"

"Oh, nothing." Baz said, smirking "I was just thinking that you must not shop at places like these very often, since you seem so confused."

"I don't need help from any of you muggles or your bizarre taste in clothing" the blond man sneered.

"Well...alright then. If you want to go around wearing that, it's not my problem."

The man muttered something under his breath and stuck out his hand "Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. I would say it's a pleasure, but.."

 Baz kept his expression blank as he shook Draco Malfoy's hand. "Tyrannous Basilton Grimm-Pitch" He suppressed a laugh at Draco Malfoy's expression. It was always sort of satisfying, some how, to have the weirdest name in the room.

All Malfoy said was "Hm."

"You might want to try those," Baz said, pointing at a row of awful shirts in different shades of orange "They might make you look less...pointy."

"As if!" Malfoy said, in an almost perfect impression of Cher.

Baz raised his eyebrows "You admit to having seen Clueless?"

Malfoy looked baffled "Sorry? Is that an insult, Pitch? Are you insulting me?"

Just then, Baz's phone buzzed. That must be Simon. He checked-yup. Simon, asking if Baz would stop by the grocery store and get some ingredients for dinner. He turned to Malfoy "I've got to go. You can find me here," He said, writing down Simon and Penny's address and giving it to Malfoy "Come over for lunch sometime, when your fashion sense improves. Simon and I will make cherry scones."

"I'll bring treacle tart." Draco Malfoy said icily "And Potter."

 

* * *

 

It was a week later, and things were normal. Well, as normal as anything could ever be when you've got Simon Snow for a boyfriend and Penelope Bunce for a friend.

"Crowley, Baz, do you have to piss off _everyone_ you meet?" As if she'd heard Baz thinking about her, Penelope materialized in the kitchen doorway. In one deft motion, she swept her hair-which was bright turquoise for the moment-into a pony-tail holder and walked over to Baz. "You've got flour on your face."

"Snow's got more flour on _his_ face."

"Yes, but that's to be expected, isn't it?"

Simon and Baz were making scones. They were making scones because Draco Malfoy and his Potter were coming over for lunch. Baz wiped flour off his forehead and looked in the mirror, brushing back a strand of hair from his eyes. Simon said it looked better loose, but Baz ignored him. He liked slicking back his hair when he met new people. It made him feel..impressive. Fancy.

The doorbell rang, and Baz opened it. Malfoy was standing there. His clothes were better, now, if more casual-he was even wearing black skinny jeans, which he seemed to despise vehemently. Or maybe he just despised Baz vehemently.

Baz sneered.

Malfoy sneered back.

Baz glared.

Malfoy glared back. Baz opened his mouth to invite Malfoy inside, but before he could, someone came running up the stairs. Baz assumed, based on the rapid way he started talking to Malfoy, that this was Potter.

"Sorry I'm late, Ron was panicking, something about getting a gift for Hermione, I think? I sent an owl-yours is too easily distracted, though, she-" Potter stopped, eyes widening "Malfoy, are-are you wearing _jeans_?"

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Carry On, which is good because tbh I'm kind of a mess


End file.
